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Thursday, January 8, 2009

January 8, 2009

Mid-Life Crisis..

I think I had just gone through my Mid-Life Crisis... Tattoos, Piercings, Mustangs, the No-No's, and mega jamming and living it. It was sure was fun though. All in New Mexico and Cali.. Tell me about a rush (sigh).

Now, I am re-focusing on reality. The thing about this, when you take a break for a bit, it seems like you just have to start all over again.

My project.. I thought it would be simple to do. OMG!! It's NOT! I am still looking for that right partners to chime in with me.. Where TH do you find these people???? Not only that, we have start up cost to think of. Hubby was willing to pay the cost, but thanks to my crap... the money went to fix my problem.. stinks. I really need to put a push to it, because I plan on having it running by next summer.

Tomorrow, my baby, he is getting another surgery. Ohhh that boy, I swear... he goes through so much for a toddler.. This is like his gazzillion surgery.. I am like, friggin old and I have not had surgery/operation.. none. I just feel for him, but I have a feeling he thinks this is just part of life. You know, Troyking was the same way.. always under the knife. I just feel bad.. I don't even have any unforgiving issues, and Iam the biggest selfish brat at times..

Speaking of being a brat, I did 'donate' my XMas candies to someone.. I try to eat healthy. Yesterday, I was on drugs again so I was like, la la land. I hated it.. atleast I know I wouldn't hack it as a druggie... The only other time was when I really hurt my back I took morphines for a month.. and I could still feel the pain.. I did OD.. not funny but OMG, the feeling.. I never had that feeling before.. I could hear my heart beating in my ears.. people talking seems so far away.. and it took me a long time to get to one room to another... it sure didn't matter if I fell or something because I couldn't care less if I did.. my body was just a body.. and I slept the months away. One day, I woke up and found out I was out of meds.. and I panicked... WOW!! You can actually recover from it. Well, this morning.. I said UCK!! I am not taking that thing again, it sucked.

Going to bed now.. I am tired..